去日无痕    复制

无风的多云日。过来扫扫被忽略了多时的博客。
意兴阑珊这个词仿佛是不合适的，不想辍笔。只是生活并不能如我所期待，时时有波澜跌宕高潮迭起。灵感从何而来，显然是个大问题。
我发现大多数平淡的日子是沉默的，就像默片，记录下来的东西仿佛没有任何记录的意义。可是这样的生活才是最真实最真挚最原型最没有偏离。
思考无用。这也是个真理。可以思考技术和对策，但不要思考价值和意义。价值和意义的存在太过偶然，而且注定是要落空的东西。
偶尔，我也会过来看看自己的田地。像个普通的访客一样，不留痕迹地飘来又飘去。窥视自己的过去，对未来默不作声，不做任何前瞻性的估计。
终于要变得实际，变得脚踏实地，懂得life is to be enjoyed, not for anything else.也许有一天，当我再次回到这里，我会发现曾经的足迹至少有个坐标可寻，而当时的稚气和意气，还是那么鲜活还是那么不离不弃。

我有我的天赋，只是我还未能真正地发觉，但是那天唱歌的时候，我已经清楚地知道，我可以全情投入。人生不过一场戏剧，无所谓得失，只是经历过，自己不后悔，大概没有什么是真正大不了的事。关于乐器，关于摄影，关于运动，关于写作，关于电影和球赛，关于许多许多的东西，我忘记了它们曾经存在的意义，好像它们也将我遗弃。许多生活中真正的美好，我没能看得很清，我只是执着也是执拗地把自己本应多彩多姿的生活剥离，只剩下一个越来越孤独与封闭的自己。如果成长意味着变得越来越怯懦拘谨，越来越含糊迟疑，越来越卑微淡漠，越来越远离勇气血性，越来越顾左右而言他，越来越在意别人的眼光而忽略真实的自己，那么过去的所有都会在瞬间变得毫无意义。

又是一年岁尾，时光匆匆，我已经欠下自己太多的承诺，想的太多而做的太少，明明知道却从未实践自己所深知的道理。我曾经在内心无比崇拜的强大的自己，总是隐隐成为遥远的回忆。或者也许我正在创造自己的另一个奇迹，就像过去一直以来一样，没有停歇的脚步，带我走过一个又一个神奇。

激动也好，平淡也罢，生活所能给的，都要好好利用才好。不能辜负太多的好意。知足常乐，不知足则常进取，选择怎样的方式并不重要，重要的是在每一种方式里，选择怎样的态度去面对，去享受，去珍惜。

口译是种境界，虽然没有天赋，却有机会做一件自己从未想到能够去做的事情，并尽心尽力，对于我已经足够。我的生活，在我未知觉的状态下，发生着微妙的变化，it seems i've stumbled into a direction that is sure to bring me a brand new prospect, and more importantly, a brand new self.

新的一年就要来临，只有一句要留给自己：还是要积极地生活，还是要勇敢的改变，还是要勇往直前地面对未来。永远记得，勇敢是一切优点中最宝贵的优点，因为如果不勇敢，其他的优点就没有机会表现出来。

It was many years ago that I came across this song -- Long long Way To Go--in a radio program. During those days preparing for the national entrance examination, this song, inspiring and determined as it sounds, instilled in my mind a strong belief and will to stride ahead no matter what.
My second encounter with it was on CCTV5, where it served as background music for a documentary that resolved around a brilliant talented footballer who received both countless honors and setbacks in his soccer career. As a universal language of humankind, the music was truly refreshing and touching to the hungry souls seeking for motivations and encouragements to move on, especially in a life that is meant to be full of twists and turns, ups and downs.
I know it’s not just a good rock song beautifully composed and emotionally performed. It always seems to carry more than I could ever feel. It has meaningful and magical lyrics perfectly accompanied by its rhythmical melody, powerful enough to remind you of your heartbeats which are so real and with which you can feel yourself as well as this vast and wonderful world, and with which you are able to hold your LOVE for anything, anyone, any hope or dream you can bear in this life.
I always know that there is a long long way to go, and even without a ray of hope shed on me, it is still a great blessing that I have myself.

又开始辛勤的耕耘起来，不亚于一年前的奋战的辛苦。只是没有当时的激情，也不再有苦涩，就只是平淡的坚持，日复一日的重复。不知道这样的日子在今后某一天的回望中，会折射出怎样的颜色。
记得大二考专四前就知道，如果一件事情坚持做21天，那么就能够变成一种习惯坚持下去。至今为止，我还从未从未真正实践过这些很早以前就知晓的箴言。
真不知道,在过去的N年中，自己究竟都做了些什么，配得上英语专业学生这个名份。我想我始终都把自己当成了局外人，当成了业余选手，用哪怕是情深意切的普通英语爱好者都鄙视的借口纵容着自己的懒惰，五年来从未早起晨读，从未坚持听广播，从未与这门语言真正的朝夕相处。所以如今，我只有怀着无限谦卑而淡定的心情，去弥补过去那些未完成的基础性工作，纵容无奈，也毫无怨言。因为信誓旦旦地进入这扇门，却没有真正意识到，要想真正从容地面对，必先要亲近彼此的灵魂，并且不离不弃，一日不见如隔三秋，没有这种深入骨髓的触碰和关联，任何理想的境界都只能是望尘莫及而已。
早就说过，there is no short cut for success.鲜有人敢为百分之一的灵感而孤注一掷，更何况并非人人都天赋异禀。专注于一件热爱的事情，整个生活就会变得异常简单而明了，不再纷杂和浮躁，宁静致远。
我知希望我不再有借口，我在等待我的第一个21天。

    开始在迅雷上搜的时候以为是电视剧,因为看起来是分集的。直到第三集结束时黑色的字幕缓缓打出来，才发现后面没有了，其实是一部电影。

    “我在考大学的时候，导师告诉我，我能考上武藏野大学是个奇迹。可是，如果真是个奇迹的话，我想说，这是爱的奇迹。”我以为，这不过是第3集的结尾，以为女主角在终于与暗恋对象实现了梦寐以求的完美邂逅，故事才真正开始。可是没有，这是一部67分钟长的电影的结局。雨中的心情是如此明媚，脚步是如此奔放，表情是如此昂扬,所有的激动都难于掩饰,仿佛整部电影在最后的一刻超越了现实的平淡升华为一种凝练的美，美得无可复制，美在人心。

    对于这样一部纯色的青春日志，本来是想说更多的。可是当我试图去表达的时候，又找不到特别合适的字眼。衬托在长篇的铺叙和琐碎的白描之后的高调却不失含蓄的结尾，也许看过的电影中最好的一个，因为一路跟着主人公走过那些几近写实的生活画面，平淡孤寂的日日夜夜，不时袭来的失意或哀伤，漫长苦索的徘徊喝等待，最后一幕才会感动得合情合理，释放得真切从容.整部电影不是一个远离真实的童话，而是一段鼓舞人心的独白。

    感叹于宫岩俊二洞察一切的视角，无论是现实的归属还是心灵的角落,，如秋风扫落叶，也似春风化雨，点点滴滴的感受集结于胸。仿佛平淡的背后有种不一样的力量，直至目睹在平淡中累积起来的情感在瞬间绽放出可望而不可即的绚丽。

    四月是有樱花陪伴的季节。很多年前，我也曾经想望过这样的绚丽，我也曾努力，在内心无人知晓的角落里，永远为自己保留一个完美的奇迹。“因一扇窗子改变的生活是多么的不可思议，而事实应该是这样，当我们打开窗子的时候，世界就不再是原来的模样。”你还记得吗。。。
   

    聆听大师是一件幸福的事情,幸运的是我终于坐在了观众席中成为了幸运的观众之一。思想是一种奇妙的东西，妙不可言，只可意会，只有在思想的火花在一瞬间迸发的时候，才会发现平凡琐碎的全部生活都被这一个不同寻常的细节点染得流光溢彩意义非凡。

    今天终于，或者说又一次见识了真正有思想有见地的人。王自立—“美国欢迎你，欢迎傻逼到华尔街炒底”。爆笑之后，至少在那一刻，还是佩服得五体投地。

    五道口是个令人向往的神圣地域，虽然当我与它擦肩，从与其地位豪不相称的朴实无华得无以复加的正门，向里面平静地张望时，恍然发觉，对于不曾知晓的人而言，它永远都只是个平静的小院而已，沉默在繁华之都的一个角落。

    对于不了解莫扎特的人，对于不懂得梵高的人，对于从不知老庄从不读李杜的人而言，所有惊世骇俗的思想与情感从来都只是不存在。所谓闻所未闻。生有涯而知无涯，这也许是有限生命的无限悲哀。

    所以今晚，聆听着经济学家很有见地的演说并沉浸其中深入浅出的道理，这本身已足够幸运，更令人兴奋的是，我终于没有错过，终于没有拒绝，在多年纵深的专业学习之外，依然享受着广阔世界里的别样乐趣。真的没有想到，自己会渐渐喜欢起曾经漠然的东西，会开始尝试做过去从未触碰过的事情，金融也好，经济也好，甚至学了几年的政治，我以为它们的绝对理性从来不是为我这样感性单纯的头脑而存在的，可是今天，我却真真思索着着它们的来龙去脉，体会着融会贯通高屋建瓴的快感。

    《傲慢与偏见》的评论中有这样一句，many people come to realize that they will finally spend their life with the one they thought least favorable.  我只能说，every thing changes,  so does every opinion you have of yourself, if you will.

       麻木的生活,有时未必是件坏事。很多时候现实与我们的想象相距十万八千里，更多时候想象的东西真的只是想象而已，现实中它们不具有任何参考价值。现实大概不会如想象的那么好，也未必如想象的那么糟。天空没有鸟的痕迹，而它已经飞过，不知道的时候，一切就过往了，省了很多自寻烦恼的麻烦。比如，如果早知道了复试时那四十多人满座的教室里真正能留下来的其实只有十八个人，就很难那么超脱的面对了吧。结果总是有的，但是忘记结果，认真投入每一次过程，一切皆有可能似乎就不再是一句说辞。很多想象中难以企及的理想，不可思议的奇遇，现实里却能成真，好像冥冥之中的赐予，会有无尽的幸福感油然而生。
       不能期望太多，因为种种期望膨胀起来就难免不碰上失望的泡影。不如不去想，不去勾勒或眺望，只是朝着一个既定的方向走，一步一步，锲而不舍，矢志不渝。走到了目的地自然可喜可贺，走不到就继续走，直到不想走了为止，或者停下来，或者换个方向，其实都不是那么重要。
       那么重要的是什么呢，我想大概是与未知相遇的过程。因为不知道，所以要往前走，不是为了去证明，而是为了去发现，发现更多想象所不能及的现实的赐予，发现你能为自己打开的，究竟是这里一扇门，还是别处的一扇窗。

    It was not until we finished watching Vanity Fair that class was over, and we had to leave it to our imagination about what was going on next and in the ending. Surely it never occurred to me that the so-called social climber--Becky，a girl who intended so strongly and determined to go upwards from her humble background by all means, should become a personality so dear to my heart, and provoked not the slightest scorn and resentment from me upon her.

    I have to say female of such type in any time and place is always admirable in my eye. And the only reason they invariably draw my particular interest is always the kind of characters they possess—proactive, bravery, intelligent, reasonably cool and ambitious, properly tender and romantic, but neither weak and sentimental nor too scheming and calculating to enjoy the real taste of their life. Although she was named Sharp, I don’t really have a distinct feeling that she is really that sharp as we get from the meaning of the word. It is not exactly being sharp of a woman, but a strong will and character that enable her to take control of her own life, to have a right sense of what ought and ought not to do, and to quickly adapt to changes and turns in life without making it entangled or a total mess. She is great for her flexible mind and an understanding of how to face rather that shun from trivialness and realities of life. From my perspective at least, great people are not those with great achievements or unusual talents, but those who are just among the average but could make more than they deserve out of their life.

    Anyway that’s just a summary of thoughts upon the 3/4 of the movie, not the book written by Thackeray，and thus still opens to possible variations before the movie is finished. I will try to find some time for it, and for more about the original implications of the writer from the book.

X: So tell me about an old friend of you,the one you think is most worth mentioning here.

Y:I got this girl friend in my teens.She's er,she has a typical double character.Outwardly she's cheerful and friendly,but in my mind ,she's kind of recticent,withdrawl,detached,quite emotional and sensitive inside,and very talented in writing. Above all, she was candid and open to me,very trustworthy. She once wrote to me in one of her letters that she might not be quite sure about herself but never,ever bore any doubt about me.I understand fully what she really meant the moment I saw those words.

X:How did you get to know each other at first ?

Y:We were in the same class at high school.At the beginning of that semaster our seats were quite close .I still remember the day we first spoke,I saw the girl sitting in front of me saying,"So you're Janet?Sorry to have passed your notebook to the wrong direction 'cause I didn't know your seat is here."I smiled and didn't say much.She looked a bit serious and calm at the moment,not very warm,but the way she spoke left a deep impression on me.

X:Then you started to know more about each other as time went?

Y:Yeah,I couldn't remember who initiated the talks and who joined in,but that was how we gradully got acquianted with and interested in one another,it seemed we both loved watching sports ,soccer games to be exact,and shared a lot of other hobbies,among which was my dearest and proudest-writing.

X:You felt a kind of unique intimacy with her for that reason?

Y:Not until she begun to,or rather we began to share each other's "works".I truly believe it's the best way to get deep down to a person's heart and soul.

X:And what did you find?

Y:I was a little amazed at her feelings for a lot of things,and I believe she must'd been touched by some of mine too.On the surface we wrote quite different things but actually they tent to be much alike,in terms of  both content and style.

X:Seems that you met a girl who could equal you in some way in your best-loved writing.

Y:Equal me?Yeah,it sounds that way,but not the word I was thinking about at that time.

X:So how did you think about her talents and yours?

Y:I never made a comparison between us in that way.The only thing I know is that I never felt lonely again after she came up in my life,for she could always read between the lines in my journals and penetrate my true self .We had a mutual understanding out there exclusive to us two.

X:Ah,it's never easy even between the most intimate ones.

Y:But we had never been that intimate as we wish to be.

X:Why was that?

Y:I don't know.Different personalities,perhaps.I think myself a forward-looking person who can never be bound to the past.I'm always oriented to the new and thrilling.Not the way she is. I discovered it from the very first day we met.We tent to be blind to that point and tolerant with each other,both of us,but things happen that,some people doomed to seperate in this world no matter how much they meant to each other.

X:Have you regularly met after graduation from high school?

Y:No.One or two times soon after that,but not very often later.Anyway,I eventually forgot her and lost contact with her since we were softmores in university.

X:And what makes you think of her again?

Y:Until this day I still have to admit that,with all those huge differences between us,we did share something in common,something deep in our souls that I can't explicitly describe,but has been irreplacable in my heart for all these years,and will remain so no matter how long time it will past.

X:And are you feeling regretful for all this lost friendship?

Y:I,er,now I have no idea and no way to imagine where she is and what she's doing,or whether she still cares about me,or think of me when alone,or rather disappointed at me and forgot me totally.I soppose it's because of many good friends around and fancy dreams ahead that made me leave behind all the precious memories with her,only to find that there could never be someone so dear to my heart.I don't feel regretful,just a little sad.
I only hope she finds her true self, and the happiness of her own.

    我觉得我又要说点什么了,昨天的扩展训练。。。
     一共做了三个项目而已，我想说的却是很多很多，很多的东西也只能留在记忆中了，其实不说也罢。

     开始信任背摔之前教练就讲到，体验式学习其实就是一种真正意义上的“终身教育”（my interpretation），亲自经历过的东西，就算历经再久远的时光，仍然不会淡忘，依然可以历久弥新。就像骑自行车，就像游泳，一旦学会，就会成为一种内在的永恒的力量，决不会轻易衰退或者消失。而我希望的，正是通过这种锻炼，让平淡的生活有机会获得刻骨铭心的体验，从此在我的人生中，如影随形，不离不弃。
    信任背摔姿势的标准被大家认可，因为我一直都信赖着保护我的同学，坚信着动作要领的科学可靠，我需要的克服的除了自己的恐惧，别无其它。于是仰身摔下来时的一瞬间，仿佛体验到人世间最美好的感觉，因为有很多人全力的保护你，他们既非至亲也非密友，不为任何原因也不及任何报酬，最重要的，是你也信赖他们，敢把自己的全部交给你所全心信任的人。
    “鳄鱼池”其实是三个项目里难度系数最高的。15个人要全部站在3个桶上架着的两块木板上，通过转移将桶由后往前移动，同时移动木板，将板上的人一个个地随着前移，直到目标地。这的确是个seemingly mission impossible,而且在进行的过程中也不时出现紧张和危急，但是在队长等男生的领导和协调下，大家还是齐心协力坚持到底，以无一人落地记录相当圆满的完成了这一极具挑战性的任务。之后的发言中我说到，自始至终我们没有一个人掉下来，这本身就是一件相当成功的事情。后来教练说，我们完成的是85%的团队都会失利的项目时，掌声立刻再次想起，印象中这几乎是我第一次为自己所参与的团队由衷地喝彩，由衷地惊叹集体的力量竟会如此强大而完美，会如此无懈可击。
    高空断桥就像曾经在电视里看到的无数高空项目一样，气氛紧张刺激，但真正要挑战的并不是几米高的台子，不是1.2米长需要跨越的板间距，更不是安全性几乎不存在问题的保护绳，归根结底，还是自己，自己内在的恐惧和担忧，自己对自己的信赖和依靠，当没有人能帮得上你的时候，你如何面对自己的内心。沿着梯子一步步小心往上爬的时候还是有很多恐惧的，觉得这短暂的时间是对自我意志和胆量的极大考验，有种超负荷的紧张，但是内心里对自己说，要坚持，坚持，别无选择的时候，只有向前，向前。终于走上在高空看起来那么窄的板子，在教练的提醒下，稍稍沉了沉，平定一下心绪，然后目视前方，坚定不移地知道，就像在任何地方一样，我可以走过去。于是就迈开了脚步，几步而已，却有种如风的干脆和稳健，后面的跨越仿佛就更不是问题，我知道我是要跨过去的，这是我为自己作的选择，我要自始至终地忠于它，就像开始时全队为我充电时所讲的，我愿意接受挑战。绝不是说说而已的。无限风光在险峰，尽管我还没有多余的胆量和本领在高空中领略一下开阔的视野和景色，但那一刻我已经充分领略到了内心最美妙最壮丽的风景——相信自己，相信自己能超越自己，在任何时候都要勇往直前。
    总结发言是有史以来最轻松的表达，也是至今为止自己最满意的一次当众讲话。大概只有亲身体验过的东西感受才最为深刻，才不会流于虚空和抽象，才最真实和具体。我说，恐惧这个东西往往不是取决于外部，而更多是取决于你的内心，取决于你看待一个事件的态度。因为外部的客观因素你无法改

变，就像高度不会因为你的恐惧而降低，板子不会变窄，间距也不会缩短，你唯一可以控制的就是你的情绪，你可以无限放大的是自己的主观能动性，把困难的事情看得简单一些，把它看渺小，不要想太多，而就在这种简单平和的心态里中，困难可能就被我们踩在脚下了。
    当我们慢慢长大成熟的时候，必然会历经挫折和失败，很多时候它们教育了我们，历练了我们，也不可避免的让勇气和魄力从我们身上一点点流失。越是积累了经验教训，头脑就越接近模式化和定性思维，开始有意识的去回避尝试不擅长和没把握的事情，也开始下意识地拒绝改变习惯的路径和接受有风险的挑战。因为习惯了千方百计地寻求万无一失，宁可牺牲掉无数机会承认只不过是美好的幻想，也不愿为愿景破釜沉舟但求一搏。自去年此时看到那篇文章才懂得，原来我们不能等到有百分之百的把握时才去做一个决定，事实上，当一件事有40%到70%的把握成功时，就应该勇敢抉择了，因为在此之上犹豫的时间可能会让我们损失更多。

    很高兴也很幸运，在生活内容从此翻开新一页的时候，在试图为未来设定新的航向的时候，在有意识地甩掉过去的种种留连和重负重塑崭新视角和思考维度的时候，我能在如此恰当的时间里接受了这次恰如其分的野外拓展训练。其实生活的游戏也不过如此，有得有失，有笑有泪，但是勇气和魄力却是永远不能遗失的坚韧品质，就如那句一直不曾忘记的箴言：勇敢是一切优点中最可贵的优点，因为如果不勇敢,其他的优点就没有办法表现出来。
    前两天又看到这样的话:"If you always think the way you have always thought,you will always get what you always got-the sameold,same old ideas."改变和超越往往不过是一瞬间的决定，而在背后支撑这个决定的却是永不妥协永无止境的赤子之心。